Evolution Sucks

Back when we were all Neanderthals, our diets consisted of a lot of caustic food. The lack of cooking meant that much of our food was damaging to our teeth. In fact, by the time Neanderthal was roughly 16 years old, his back molars would already be damaged and shrinking from his diet. If Neanderthal couldn't eat, Neanderthal would die, so evolution kicked in to make sure his broad jaw could continue to grind up that raw meat and all those nuts. Evolution thought: "If you're going to wear away those molars I gave you, I shall provide you with new ones!"

And bam. Third molars (also known as wisdom teeth) began to grow. Neanderthal was saved. Evolution rocked.

Fast forward thousands of years. Fire is discovered. People cook food. Our jaws shrink. Now, third molars are no longer necessary, as our back molars have ceased to rot out of our heads by the age of 16. People learn to make money off these "third molars" by calling themselves oral surgeons and ripping them out of innocent teenagers' heads. Evolution laughs.

And now, at 27 years old, I can no longer hope that I am one of those evolutionarily advanced ten percent of humans born without wisdom teeth. In three days, an oral surgeon will make thousands off me by removing my wisdom teeth, despite the fact that evolution saw fit to give them to me (along with my useless appendix and coccyx, neither of which doctors seem to think should be surgically removed, despite being deemed unnecessary at this point in evolution). Oral surgeons owe a lot to evolution.

And sadism, most likely.

So at this point, despite my love of opposable thumbs, moral reasoning, speech, and high level cognitive functioning, I say, quite emphatically:

Evolution sucks.


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